pre-deployment thoughts [part i]

This is the first of a series of posts that I began drafting at the beginning of this year. Each post--and the mini posts within each--contains my thoughts on the deployment process as or soon after various events occurred. For OPSEC purposes, I will not include specific dates, locations, etc. Alan has read each one and his thoughts are included at the bottom of certain posts. I hope that these posts will shed some light on our experiences; thank you for reading and God bless!

Winter 2013

You would never guess that Alan was injured in a parachuting accident, especially since he even deployed after he recovered.  He's considered non-deployable for combat deployments.

Support missions, not so much.

When he left PA for Ft. Hood, his unit had deployed; there was a possibility that he could be sent there, too; and I was worried that we would have to postpone our wedding until this past November (what an inconvenience).  However, he stayed behind, and I figured that he would probably never deploy again, since the war was officially winding down, he was preparing to retire, and everything always happens to everybody else.

Still, a little part of me kept the "what if" train of thought running.

Last night, after I returned home from my first night of class this semester, he said that there was a possibility that they might deploy.  To somewhere.  At some time.

It took a minute or two of talking about it for me to realize that he was actually including himself in the "we," "us," "our" statements--every other time he talked like that, I assumed that he was not included, because he would not be deploying.  Immediately, I started shivering a little, because I tend to do that when I'm stressed.  Though, whether the stress was from realizing that deployment is a possibility or whether it was from the fact that I was slightly jealous, I have no idea.

I do know that I feel guilty about the whole thing, because I approached the situation rather rationally and dismissively.  Like, "Oh, you might deploy?  Well, let me know when you have some more solid information, and I'll start considering it, because I'm sure I'll be more emotional then."

On the one hand, I think it would be rotten to have to leave a wife who is emotionally and mentally falling apart and absolutely miserable about the whole thing.  On the other hand, I think it would be equally rotten to have to leave a wife who's maybe sort of jealous that you're leaving and she isn't.