the d-word: deployment thoughts [part 5]

This is part five in a series of posts that I began drafting at the beginning of this year. Each post--and the mini posts within each--contains my thoughts on the deployment process as or soon after various events occurred. For OPSEC purposes, I will not include specific dates, locations, etc. Alan has read each one and his thoughts are included at the bottom of certain posts. I hope that these posts will shed some light on our experiences; thank you for reading and God bless!

Read previous pre-deployment thoughts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4

Summer II 2013

 
He pulled out the packing list last night. We talked about our feelings regarding the separation; I told him that I thought it might be helpful for me to help him pack. And by, "help him pack," I mean that I put on his cold weather pants and zipped myself in his sleeping bag and waddled around the house in my cocoon of cozy softness. (But I also actually packed his A-bag, even though I have no idea what the "A" in "A-bag" means.)

It's weird to think that I'll have the house and he'll have a bag and a crate.

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When we lie together at night and he's asleep and he pulls me close, I try to memorize how he feels against me because I know his side of the bed will be empty soon.

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This is the second Independence Day that we've celebrated together. This is the second year that I've wanted to host a party, but totally forgot until I realize that it's already July and I am too overwhelmed to come up with a cute menu and decorations. And next year, I'll be celebrating it without my husband.

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Alan had staff duty (meaning that he works for 24 hours consecutively) yesterday. I kept thinking that this is what it's like when he's in the field (meaning that he works for a week or two or more consecutively). And then I realized that at some point in the future, I'll stop relating the late nights of working and meaningless Netflix television to the field and it'll just start being the way things are.

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Because Alan had to handle a work issue in the morning, I sat alone in church. I started thinking of how this is going to be our weekly reality pretty soon, and started crying. I'm sad about being separated, because all of the Skype chats, emails, care packages, and letters in the world can't measure up to actually being physically together.