inconvenient: not convenient especially in giving trouble or annoyance

I thought Jesus was inconvenient today.

I was on my way to youth group —I'd left the house about an hour early with the intention of stopping at Starbucks—when I spotted him at the turnaround. Squatting on the concrete while my dashboard read 102F, listlessly holding a cardboard sign with his head down. He wasn't even looking at the cars and I wondered: Does he think no one will help him? Does he think no one sees him?

My first thought upon seeing people in need is usually that I should help. My next thoughts were:

1. Jesus is the poor.

2. He's all the way on the other side of the highway and I'm already at the light. I'll have to turn around.

3. Ugh. I don't want to turn around. I'm going to have to loop around this section of the highway again in order to get in the far left lane.

4. Why is helping so inconvenient?

By this time, the light turned green and I was turning onto Fort Hood Street, suddenly horrified and shamed by the fact that I'd just considered helping someone to be inconvenient. I parked at Starbucks, pulling my thoughts together as I walked inside. I realized that, if I drove through the Popeye's parking lot, I'd have enough room to change from the far right lane to the far left lane.

I took a quick snapshot of my coffee and typed up an Instagram post asking how others help those in need. At this point, I felt upset by my thoughts, the true nature of my heart, and my inaction. And why don't I keep myself better prepared? While there aren't as many visible homeless people in Killeen as there are in Austin, it's not entirely uncommon to pass someone with a cardboard sign.

So, when I finally left Starbucks prepared to serve, I decided to take another route. It would be slightly longer, but it would give me more time to cross the highway and I wouldn't feel rushed changing lanes near a traffic light. I would feel comfortable.

Whatever illusion of possible comfort I had was swiftly shattered; traffic in the lane beside me prevented me from exiting the highway where I intended to, so I drove almost halfway down the street to turn onto another street. What should have taken maybe two minutes turned into a seven-minute drive as I meandered downtown on a street I'd never driven before.

I ended up behind the Killeen Daily Herald—where I could have started working in 2012 instead of starting graduate school—and thought about how incredible life can be when I obey God instead of doing my own thing.

As I turned onto the access road again, I considered how we have to be willing to be inconvenienced, we have to be willing to step out of our comfort zones, if we want to serve. Jesus didn't ignore people because He had other things on his agenda for the day.

I slowed to a stop at the traffic light. This time, the man was standing up. I couldn't make out what his sign said, but it certainly didn't have the usual "Anything helps" or "Homeless veteran" writing. I had a brief moment of panic—maybe he wasn't in need, maybe I was going to look patronizing.

No.

As followers of Christ, we are called to go. We are called to follow Christ and love others well, not determine the minimum level of love we can show or judge just how in need someone is. And in doing so, yes, our plans are going to be changed. We're going to take scenic routes instead of direct paths. We're going to question and we're going to wonder, and we may wonder how others perceive us in the process. But we're going to trust. And we go knowing that, as Christ's servants, we go with Him.

If anyone serves Me, he must continue to follow Me [to cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying] and wherever I am, there will My servant be also. If anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him. -John 12:26

train up a child in the way he should go

Summer vacation with my youngest stepson recently came to an end. For months, I've prayed that God would show up for both his brother and him. I prayed that they would encounter God in a real and personal way. I prayed that, when he came to visit, Alan and I would point him to Christ and align us with God's will in his life.

Parents have such a great (read: huge and fantastic) responsibility when it comes to teaching their children about God. Who God is. Who we are in relation to God. What Christ did. How we respond to all of that.

I didn't realize that until recently. How amazing (read: fearful and awesome) would it be to have that responsibility every day for 18 (or more) years! And on that note, parents, I pray over you ever more fervently, that you would seek God first and allow His will to work in your families.

I found myself questioning where we spent our time. How we spent our time. What movies we watched. What we talked about. I began to realize on a deeply personal level that every single moment is an opportunity to share the Gospel. Every single moment is an opportunity to display Christ.

This is real. This is impactful.

We spent the first week of vacation at Camp Eagle. I got teary when one of the youth leaders told me that she could see that God was working on my youngest stepson. When we returned from camp, we introduced him to family devotionals and explained why we read the Bible.

He asked us about baptism; we explained it and he said he wanted to baptized. Alan told him that he had been baptized a few years ago. He said that he didn't understand it, then. But he understood it now and he wanted to be baptized. So one of our friends, a chaplain, talked to him about baptism.

We had a picnic at a nearby lake with some friends and the chaplain baptized him in living waters.

He started asking me not to open the car door for a few extra minutes when a song that he liked played on K-Love and we were already parked.

The daily things pointed the way to bigger, inside things. May I never overlook the daily for the epic. May I never ask for signs and miracles and ignore the rabbi in front of me, ministering in ways that don't fit neatly meet my expectations.

Saying see-you-later was bittersweet. Because, first of all, I just don't like saying see-you-later to loved ones. But, I also worried if he had a "good enough" foundation. (I don't actually know how to quantify what a "good enough" foundation would be, now that I think of it.) And I was also proud to see how he had begun turning toward God and I knew, deep down inside, that God didn't need either Alan or me in order to accomplish his work in this young man.

He's halfway across the country again. The house is quiet. The dogs are bored. There are well over a thousand miles between us now, but we both know a God who is greater than any distance.

I recently looked up verses about God being close and texted this one to him: The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. -Zephaniah 3:17

relinquishment

After three years of the same, more or less, we decided to switch up the way we do home life group. We recently finished up Radical and split up—the men began to study 33 at one house and the women started Becoming Myself at another. I don't know what goes on in the men's group, but I know that for us, things got really real, really quickly.

And by really real, I mean that I (because I won't speak for anyone else) was laying my heart out in ways that I haven't done before with this group of women. And I've known some of them for three years. Which is a long time in military life.

In week one, we talked about failure and I mentioned that when I first answered the question in the study guide, I didn't really feel like a failure, so I said "I feel incompetent when. ..." But by sentence #2, I wrote, "I feel like a failure when. ..." I told them that it seemed that I'd given everything to God—even my career choice and five-year plan—except this one thing. So one of the ladies mentioned the prayer of relinquishment. (She even had a copy of the actual Guideposts article to let me borrow.) And I kept it in my purse for about a week before I finally sat down to read it.

And then I went a few more days before I could finally give it over to God:

God, You know that I want this. But more than this, I want Your will to be done.

I instantly felt freer than I have in a while. And the next day, I realized that I was truly able to enjoy the day. I could be fully present in this season instead of thinking I was being fully present but really acting like more of a martyr.

I post my list of #1000gifts on my Twitter feed. I've noticed that recently, my gifts have focused on things I took for granted before I surrendered to God. I've noticed that my heart is different when certain topics come up in conversation. I've noticed a greater peace than I've experienced before.

Now, this is not to say that I don't expect to never struggle again with this issue. (Maybe I should?) But I know that I will be more apt to immediately pray when this pops up—something I've been more conscious of doing with other matters.

Before home life group, I made time to touch up my hair and makeup for the fun of it. I shared this (and all of the above) as a praise report during our last meeting and was met with a semi-serious frumpy face from a friend.

"My husband's been home all day and I still looked like this!" she said, pointing to her more casual appearance.

And I realized, again, that I have so much to be grateful for. Yes, there are still things I yearn for, but I also know that I have friends who yearn for what I have, too.

arbitrary 04.

• 4 signs you might be legalistic | Sometimes I wonder if I'm being legalistic. And sometimes I'm guilty of these signs.

• how should Christians comment online? | This was a great reminder for me. Along with internet outrage, public shaming, and modern-day pharisees. Ouch.

• having a real relationship with God | We purchased this study at the recommendation of a friend. I really like precept studies and it was a great way to get into the Word after dinner as a family. We've finished it, so we're deciding which one to do next.

• six ways your phone is changing you | Shortly after my youngest stepson arrived, we all sat down to discuss phone usage and boundaries. The main implication that I've heard over the years is that as screen time goes up, socialization skills go down. This article presented a few more that I found very interesting and convicting.

• duolingo | A friend recently told me about the app/website (I like the website format better) and I've been using it to brush up on Spanish.

• the deeper problems behind human trafficking | I like this article because it tackles the root (or at least one of the roots) of the issue. It's important to remember that people are people and they aren't the enemy—the enemy is.

• glasses in the road | Annie wrote a blog post about Complacency and the Church. I wanted to highlight it because my experiences tend to be pretty similar when it comes to opportunities that I miss because I let myself get in the way.

run the race + keep the faith

How does he have the energy to preach right now?

That kept popping up in my head during a 5k two 5ks ago. My friend had asked me to run with him the night before the race.

I don't know why I expected myself to be able to run the pace I kept when I ran three to four times a week when I run once or twice a month. But I did, and I said sure.

I also didn't hydrate properly before the race. And I didn't set an alarm, so I woke up about 15 minutes before the start and we rushed to the event. So, from about 50 yards on, I just kept thinking about how woefully unprepared I was and what a bad idea this 5k was.

But there's my friend, running beside me, saying that this race is just like the race set before us—there's the finish line up ahead, I know where it ends and how it ends; all I have to do is stay on the path.

I told myself that he's a sergeant. He's supposed to be motivating and be energetic and happy when the rest of us want to just quit. I wondered if God would hold it against me if I stopped to walk for a few yards. (I didn't.)

A couple of weeks ago, I ran another 5k. The same friend ran with me, along with another mutual friend who also happens to be a chaplain.

So I got a sermon in stereo.

Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Be cunning as snakes and innocent as doves. (We later realized that we were combining two different verses, but it worked as a good motivator.)

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. -1 Peter 5:8 

Behold, I am sending you out like sheep in the midst of wolves; be wary and wise as serpents, and be innocent (harmless, guileless, and without falsity) as doves. [Gen. 3:1.]

I kept telling myself that the race had been won. That all I had to do was run and run well. I also wondered how they had the energy and breath to do anything other than suck wind for the last mile or so.

Last night, my friend and I ran about 2.5 miles at a local park (and I had even run 5 miles about a week earlier). He asked me if I thought snap judgments—good or bad—were a sin. I said yes, that we are not to judge, but it's also human nature for us to want to put people in boxes to be able to understand them (or think we understand them) quickly. This turned into a huge discussion about using "human nature" as an excuse for sin.

And I realized, as we kept the pace past mile one, and then past mile two, that even though I was talking, I wasn't out of breath. That maybe, if I'm focusing on God and communing with my fellow brother in Christ, I am given energy that wells up from some place deep inside so I can encourage others and bring glory to God.

It was a pretty amazing experience.

If I keep my focus on my small reserve of energy and run conservatively in the pursuit of comfort, I finish feeling exhausted. If I focus on the conversation at hand and the fellowship between my friend and I, I finish strong—we sprinted the last 30 yards or so.

It's a lot like marriage. If I focus on myself and give my husband only the energy and love I think I can afford to give away, I don't benefit either of us. But when I put my faith in God and focus on sustaining my husband, we are both filled and the love we can give is multiplied as it's received. Plus, marriage is definitely more like an ultra-marathon than a sprint.

Therefore then, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us, 2 Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God. [Ps. 110:1.] -Hebrews 12:1-2 (AMP)