month 3 // Today was rough; I think it would have been easier if Alan were home. I was feeling sad and grateful to be blessed by a husband who orders pizza delivery from another continent and a friend who blessed me with a little pampering package.

month 4 // I don't want to say that certain people are "made" for the military lifestyle, as I don't believe that we were created to be separated from our spouses, but I do believe that some people adapt more easily and are more self-sufficient, traits that turn deployments into periods for growth and challenge instead of misery.

//

+ savage. Temperature in the 20s. Waist-deep water. Lots of mud. I ran the Savage Race and loved it. I skipped some of the challenges because I was afraid of hypothermia--Texas' Savage Race was the coldest on record!--but I still enjoyed the obstacles and have officially completed my second race.

+ volunteering. I started volunteering at the Family Life Chaplain Training Center on post. I'm there two days a week and I love it.

+ umhb. Three more semesters until graduation! Thanks to God and a supportive husband, I have maintained a 4.0 (which was a challenge, especially since I had a stomach flu during finals week). Also, I think solution-focused brief therapy is "my" approach. I really like it. One of my professors also loaned some emotion-focused therapy material to me and I've been studying it over break.

+ almost there. I ran 9.06 miles. I could have made it to 10 but I quit because my phone (and therefore, Endomondo) died around 7 miles and I wanted to know exactly how far I ran. Also, after surviving the Savage Race, I did two evening runs in 23F and 27F weather, respectively. It was raining the second time.

+ flyboys. After a friend recommended Flyboys to me, I purchased it and have been reading it off and on for several months. I finally finished it. In my opinion, the book was well-researched; I enjoyed learning about the history of Japan and Japanese-American relations as well as an area of history I had not studied before.

+ bucket list. Some friends and I went to Outback for dinner--it was my first visit, so I can cross off another item on my deployment bucket list! Also, I took a friend out to lunch at Rosa's after PWOC--yes, I was there the Tuesday after I posted about it and have been going semi-regularly ever since. I attended a class on mentorship based on At the Feet of Ordinary Women and asked the ladies to pray about whether any of them would be interested in mentoring me. Recently, one of them approached me and she's going to start mentoring me in the new year! And, I'm currently writing from Pennsylvania. Plus, my wonderful husband scheduled a massage for me last month and it was amazing.

+ snapchat. I downloaded Snapchat. My sister and I have been using it to send each other pictures of our dogs. While we're both in the same room.

aspire news: domestic violence and abuse

I found this app via Tumblr recently and just shared this with my couples counseling class tonight, as we covered domestic violence. However, I'd like to correct and elaborate on some of what was written on Tumblr.

Aspire News appears to be a regular news app; however, the Help section of the app directs the user to domestic violence, crime, and sexual abuse resources (websites and phone numbers).  The help resources all seem to be national organizations, so users would most likely have to call the national organizations in order to find local assistance.

While on any of the pages, the user can triple-tap the top of the page to notify "trusted contacts" if the user is in danger (or perhaps suspects danger). The trusted contacts are notified via text message, so users would have to keep that in mind when choosing which phone numbers to input as trusted contacts (landlines would probably not be useful). To test the app, I used my own phone number as a trusted contact and received three text messages:

• the first (which can be personalized) said, "SOS: Your friend is requesting your assistance";
• the second included a 7 second audio clip; and,
• the third included a link to my approximate location (however, it was not my exact location, which could be problematic if the recipient does not know exactly where the sender is).

Furthermore, while on any of the Help pages, the user can click the "X" and be directed to an arbitrary news page, which could be helpful if the abuser is nearby while the user is using the app. The website functions similarly--if you press "esc" or the orange bar at the bottom of the page, an arbitrary website pops up (The Weather Channel, in my case) and the Aspire website changes (Google, in my case).

the d-word: deployment thoughts [month 2]

So it has been nearly two months since I jumped the pond to an undisclosed location. It has been crazy busy with everything you can dream of and some things you can't even make up. When we  finally got here I had to meet people and learn what they have been doing during their year away from home. This "right seat, left seat" ride was pretty painless on the outside but we couldn't really stand each other on the inside. But the two weeks went by like two days and we finally finished with them. Now they get to go home and I feel sad again cause I really miss my better half, the half that completes me and makes me whole and is the reason I love to wake up in the morning (even when I am usually falling asleep on her).

So I moped and finally got over myself (mainly because she can text me throughout the day) and went to work. Initially I had to take care of the protection for the FOB and daily dealings of what it takes to run a maintenance company. Afterward, there were so many issues with attitudes and a small disruption in the "good order and discipline" that I then had to move after four weeks on ground to take over maintenance. So as I usually do, I took two days and did a quick assessment and then started the corrections needed to make this maintenance program move forward.

The first problem was that the leaving unit left so much junk in the work area you literally had to maneuver around it to get anything done. Through networking and meeting all of the people I thought were necessary to be successful here, we found a place to dispose of all junk without having to do any paper work--just drop it off and they go through it for you. So two days of 14 hrs. each and finally it was all cleaned up and much room was granted to the maintenance areas.

Now things are running smoothly and we are almost caught up and can relax. I would literally spend any time my wonderful amazing wife was available texting. She got me through those times and the times now more than she knows.

Now that we are caught up I thought it would be fun to use time after a normal work day to hang out, watch a movie, or just relax with coffee. But to be honest all I want to do when not occupied with chaotic work is think of how I love her, miss her, and want to rub her feet after her long day. So I relax with coffee and scroll through all the photos I have of her and us till I fall asleep. I really miss my true friend and the love of my life.

the d-word: deployment thoughts [month 1]

It's already been a month? It seems like he just left.

It also seems like he's been gone for half of forever.

///

He's finally received one of the two letters that I've sent so far, but I have yet to receive his first thanks to the postal service.

///

I was working at my computer when I heard what sounded like two gunshots.

Now, when you grow up in a rural area near a shooting range in a state where most schools are closed on the first day of deer hunting season, you tend to know what gunshots sound like. However, when you then move into a heavily populated area near an elementary school, you tend to forget what gunshots sound like (large artillery is another matter).

So, when I first heard the noise, I decided to go into the backyard and see if anyone else had heard anything. No one else was outside, but then I heard the sound repeat again, twice--definitely gunshots. I grabbed my phone and went out the front door. The streets seemed deserted, but then I noticed some people standing in a driveway a few houses away, so I asked them if they heard what sounded like gunshots.

They had, in fact, they saw more than the empty streets that I saw, and they hoped that everyone was ok. We heard police sirens but realized that they were heading toward the opposite end of the city, so I thanked them and left. And then I called the police.

I ended up telling Alan--at first I wasn't going to mention anything, but I'm trying to remain as open as possible. Which is a challenge, because he's the first person I want to tell about whatever is happening but then I don't want him to worry or stress over something that he can't fix.

Note: From what I can tell, the media hasn't reported about the incident and I have not heard anything further.

///

In the middle of the night, Ophelia wanted to go outside. When I turned on the light in the living room, I was surprised by a little gecko clinging to the ceiling. I wondered if I'd ask Alan to take him outside if he was there, but the thought went no further because the truth is, he wasn't there and I was and I was too tired and too short to find something and reach up and catch the little creature and release it outside.

So, there's a small Mediterranean House Gecko somewhere in my house right now.

///

The gecko is in my bedroom. I tried to capture him but he ran behind my dresser.

///

I ran 7.01 miles--another bucket list item to cross off of my list. As I was running past Alan's workplace, I saw white buses pull up in the parking lot. Crowds of people swarmed/stood in formation on the field. And someone announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, America's heroes are home!" I started crying as I ran because not all of America's heroes are home and we still have such a long time before we're together again.

to you, with love [28]

Who have you inspired today?

singleness in married life

Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. -1 Corinthians 7:7 (The Message)

Single like you, Paul? What, so you were miserable being single because you were so blunt and didn't know how to make polite conversation with a woman and wanted to take everyone down with you?

This was basically my thought on Paul's "Hey, being single is great" theory--especially as my wedding day neared. And then definitely after we said our vows, because when you're married to a husband as amazing as mine, who would ever want to be single again?

And then, my husband left, leaving me the single human being within the four walls of our home.

While I remained in the Word after Alan deployed, it wasn't until the day I poured out my heart to God because I was so upset about health problems that I really sensed that my relationship with God grew substantially. Over the past several weeks, I have begun to hunger to know Him and His word better and more than ever before. It's wonderful because I have passion and ideas. It's frustrating because I now feel stunted and uncertain of where to go or what to do next. How do I live out the stirrings God starts in my heart? (Also, another issue I struggled with was knowing whether these were God-things or me-things.)

One of the biggest challenges that I wrestled with was feeling like there wasn't enough for me at my current place of worship. (I say "for me" because there are plenty of activities and ministries, but due to my class schedule, I am unable to attend Community Connections and usually don't attend PWOC.) And lately, community has strongly been on my heart.

But, I also realized that I can't just expect the church to do things for me. For example, I had this idea that there should already be a general forum for home life group leaders to exchange ideas, concerns, and inspiration because I know that I, at the very least, could always benefit from mentoring and fellowship.

There wasn't, so I asked about it, and now maybe there will be one (I was under the impression that we had "several" home life groups because that's what the communicator/bulletin says, but it's actually only three).

For another thing, I want to improve the fellowship within my home life group. So, I created a form and know the little things about everyone--from significant dates in their lives to favorite Bible verses to topics they'd like us to study. It was eye-opening and I'm looking forward to putting their ideas to work.

Also, some of the chaplains have expressed a desire to expand the Baking Brigade. This is awesome and would be even more awesome if we had the manpower to do so. So, I took the initiative to talk with another lady who was involved in a baking outreach at her husband's last duty station and now have plenty of ideas.

Lastly, what this entire post (and basically the entirety of the last several weeks) boils down to is mentoring. I want a mentor. I need a mentor. Someone to guide me into really helping home life group flourish. Someone to share a vision for the Baking Brigade and make it happen. Someone to generally help me in my walk with Christ.

Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. -Titus 2:3-5

So, if you're older than 23 you fit the bill.

Enter PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel). I've only attended a few times, again because of grad school, but after talking with a friend about all that is on my heart and how discouraged I feel, she said, "You really need to come to PWOC! I think it would really help you." And I said, "I know! I just need to do my work for Tuesday earlier so I have time to go." And then she told me that one of the ladies in life group teaches a class on mentoring at PWOC.

So. Tuesday at 9. If I'm not at the chapel, someone slap my wrist and tell me to never complain again if I'm not going to take responsibility for myself.

---

This post was inspired by Alan, who, after hearing me vent/reading my text messages and emails about the topic, told me to blog about it and record the ideas and changes that occur within me. Here we go.

mynoise.net: ambient noise

myNoise.net

A while ago, I posted about Marconi Union's Weightless, allegedly the most relaxing song ever. I also posted about creating a coping skills toolbox and suggested that the song might be worth adding to your toolbox.

In the event that you'd like even more relaxing background noise to help you through the day, myNoise.net might also be worth a shot. Why? It includes:

• a variety of ambient sounds that can be adjusted to fit your tastes;
• a calibration process that allegedly allows the site "to measure your personal hearing levels, and adapt our noises accordingly" for people with hearing loss; and,
• can be used for sound therapy.

I just played around with it for about 10 minutes and love it.

just curious

A whole week hasn't even passed and I already have a deployment story.

Recently, I was watching "The Expendables 2" (which was rather absurd and the acting was disappointing, in case you wanted to know). Near the end of the movie, I heard a thump outside. My first thought was that burglars will risk making noise once because people usually don't investigate unless they hear noise a second time. The noise didn't continue, but I was still on edge until the movie finished.

At that point, I could hear a muffled sound like water running from the spigot in front of the house. I started walking around the house, wondering where the noise was coming from. I wondered if maybe some kids had pulled a prank and turned on the spigot. At 1 a.m. On a weeknight. (Kids, where are your parents?)

After mustering lots of courage, I finally went outside to check the perimeter of the house. At first, I couldn't see anything.

And then I noticed the spring bubbling up beneath one of the windows directly in front of the house. My first thought was, "I didn't know there was a spring here!" And I was totally think of a cenote, ok? At 2 a.m., this seemed like a perfectly logical explanation for about three whole seconds.

I then spent the next couple of hours Googling "front yard broken pipe" and "turn off main water" and "killeen tx water company." I also texted my friends to ask how to turn off the water and if that was a bad idea. At this point, there was also an entire anthill swarming the window with their eggs in an attempt to escape the miniature fountain, so I kept checking the house to make sure no ants were inside.

I considered calling my dad at 3 a.m. to ask if he knew where I might find the water valve. But, I was afraid that he and my mom would worry, and I told my friend that my mom would probably drive down to Texas herself and pack up the house and take me back to Pennsylvania until Alan returned. I also considered texting Alan to panic/ask what to do, but then I decided that I could figure it out myself and I didn't want to bother him and he probably wouldn't see the text, anyway. But, I did send this:

And then my friend came over to lend moral support and help me traipse around the perimeter looking for the water meter.

Finally, I found it in front of the house but everything was covered in packed dirt, so I could only see the water meter. My friend thought maybe the valves weren't there. We decided to check the garage for the millionth time.

Then, someone arrived to turn off the water. He went over to the water meter hole and stuck some type of key in the dirt to shut it off. It took about one minute for him to get to the meter and shut off the water.

And then I paid him $40.

And then my friend and I talked about the sprinkler system bursting at her home near Ft. Huachuca when she was alone and we commiserated over the fact that I had recently posted something to the effect of, "Hopefully we won't have any deployment stories like [my friend's]!" on Facebook.

And then I went to bed.

Two days later, a plumber from Alsop Plumbing arrived. I called three companies for estimates but one didn't return my call and Alsop seemed less costly and friendlier (because I should obviously judge skill by the friendliness of the receptionist). As frustrating as it was not to have running water, I was super grateful for my habit of leaving half-full glasses of water around the house.

to you, with love [23]

Your dream job, your dream life, your dream whatever won't just happen. Imagine what you want. What part of that can you make happen right now? Take small steps toward creating your dream.

to you, with love [22]

Why, yes, as a matter of fact I have finally downloaded the Rhonna Designs app. I may have spent about an hour making inspirational pictures ... and then realized that HOW AWESOME WOULD IT BE IF THESE WERE MAGNETS?

Very awesome.

There's the ...

• high quality Stickygram that costs $14.99/20 magnets;
• and the slightly cheaper MagnetiGram for $13/20 magnets;
• and the totally DIY route that, let's be honest, will probably result in lots of tears of frustration and unusable photos;
• and the semi-DIY route that would cost $20/20 magnets.

And, do you know what would be EVEN MORE AWESOME?

If these were magnets with inspirational quotes and nice photos and they came attached to a package of homemade baked goods delivered by the Baking Brigade.

the d-word: deployment thoughts [part 8]

 

This is the last post about my family's pre-deployment experience. The series started at the beginning of the year. Each post--and the mini posts within each--contains my thoughts on the deployment process as or soon after various events occurred. For OPSEC purposes, I will not include specific dates, locations, etc. Alan has read each one and his thoughts are included in certain posts. I hope that these posts will shed some light on our experiences; thank you for reading and God bless!

Read previous pre-deployment thoughts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6

The Day He Left

He was gone too quickly.

The day he left, we arrived early because he needed to take colored tape. Everyone was supposed to identify their bags with colored tape. Basically everyone did not identify their bags with colored tape.

I stood around, watching and waiting and occasionally losing him ten yards away from me because when his back is turned and everyone dresses the same, it's sometimes hard to recognize him. I was usually able to spot him because someone was asking him a question.

I waited a lot. And we waited a lot. And our friends came to see him off. I'm so grateful that we have such supportive and loving friends.

Seeing him with a weapon was not unnerving, as I expected that it would be. The unnerving part was watching some people try to figure out how to put straps on their weapons.


At some point, a woman from the FRG handed a little flag to me. I remember thinking that I wanted my husband, not a flag, and I didn't understand the point but I took it, anyway.

Toward the end, I was chatting with another lady when I happened to glance down the field and realized that everyone but Alan's company was listening to a speech by the sergeant major. I was disappointed that we missed the speech, but when the buses began to load and Alan's company was still in the arms room, I decided that if I had to stand around and wait, I might as well be with him. I guiltily rushed off to find my husband while everyone else's husbands boarded the buses.

Keeping the tears at bay while walking from the arms room to the bus was difficult. I held his arm and I was secretly, guiltily, glad that he was late as we walked to the last bus--all of the others were full and the families had already been separated.

And then we separated because he had to get his bags. Amidst the calls to get on the bus and hurry up, we managed to meet up again and steal a quick kiss--it was nothing like what I was expecting; it was too brief and too unfeeling to be the culmination of an entire morning of waiting, but it was a kiss and then he disappeared up the steps.

We waved and waited for a few more minutes before the buses finally began to pull away. As the buses disappeared around the corner and the noise died away, the parking lot was filled with silence and then the held-in-for-too-long sniffles and crying of those left behind. It was heart wrenching and horrible but wonderful to know that I was not the only one. I sat in my car in the parking lot for at least half an hour and watched as other soldiers went about their day as though they had no idea that an entire unit had just left their families for a year (and they were probably going about their day as though they had no idea because they had no idea).

I debated about whether I should go home or call my friend and ask if I could visit. In the end, I went home and discovered a huge Hello Kitty balloon and chest on the kitchen table, along with a bottle of wine, some Hello Kitty pajamas, After Eight chocolate mints, and some notes from friends with instructions to wear the pajamas, watch a movie, drink the wine, cry, and then come to home life group that night if I felt up to it.

It was odd to go to home life group without Alan even though I know it will, at some point, become normal. I drank coffee and wasn't tired afterward so I went on post and parked at Alan's unit. I decided to go for a run--I ran 3.21 miles.

to you, with love [21]

hello

You know those days when you are just beyond frustrated with someone (maybe many someomes, maybe yourself)? Those days when the hands on the clock move agonizingly slow [this should be "slowly" because it describes the verb "move" and is therefore an adverb] and you just want the day to be over so you can go to sleep and be another day closer to the weekend?

In case anyone has told you otherwise, in case someone has told you to suck it up or move on or stop being a/an [insert degrading word here], I just want you to know that it's ok. It's ok to have bad days, to not have life figured out, to feel like you might fall apart. You'll get through this, but for now it's ok to be a little lost, a little upset, a little whatever it is that you're feeling as you try to just get through another week without punching someone.

And while it's ok to feel like punching someone, it is not ok to actually hit someone.

<3 moreloveletters.com

so, i've been busy.

+ baking. We tried something new this month and enlisted the help of some who stayed for the potluck. We prepped the bags while people ate and then asked them to take some to the gate guards on their way home. The lead chaplain was hoping that this would show the chapel what we do and encourage them to become more involved. Next month, I'd love to visit the hospital staff, but that might be a logistical challenge (although I was told that we have two hospital chaplains in the service). Over 350 cookies, mini cupcakes, muffins, and cakes were donated. I made chocolate chip cookie dough whoopie pies. I forgot to take photos but they were delicious.

+ reading. I recently purchased Annie Downs' Speak Love, which seems like it will be a younger version of Sharon Jaynes' The Power of a Woman's Words. I'm excited about it. I'm also reading Faith Deployed ... Again, which a friend loaned to me, and I'm working through Angie Smith's Mended. Mended is powerful, by the way. At least for me. It's really speaking to my heart right now. ...

+ healing. I don't share much by way of health issues current or past on here, but lately I've been having some health issues. However, in the past year I've noticed a shift in the way I react. After sharing my issues while visiting a classmate, she handed Mended to me and I began to read it as soon as I returned home. So far, I've only made it through two chapters because I was crying and praying so much, but one section spoke to my heart more than the others:

I prayed this verse and poured out my heart to God. He spoke to me and even though He didn't give me the answer I wanted Him to, I felt more at peace than ever. In that moment, I felt as though my relationship with Him grew substantially.

+ crafting. Also, look at our newest DIY project! I fell in love with a similar but better wreath on Etsy but couldn't justify the cost. So, I went to Hobby Lobby and picked up some materials. It took me a little over an evening to complete (I was also making the whoopie pies at the same time) and I ended up replacing white burlap with the uniform material. Also, the flags were a lot brighter, so I dyed them with tea.

+ shopping. For the first time in a very long time (actually, maybe ever), two of my friends and I had a girls' day while their husbands watched their children. It was refreshing and relaxing and wonderful. There needs to be more intentional, let's-build-each-other-up time.

speak love, do life.

Lately, speaking love, speaking life, has been on my heart a lot. Partly because of the More Love Letters movement and the ways that I've intertwined that with my life, partly because of the Baking Brigade, partly because I recently had a revelation that I need to do more to share Christ with others regardless of whether I feel that prompting from the Holy Spirit or not.

Because I have a tendency to buy food, to approach someone, only when I feel that heaviness on my chest and know that I will feel like a horrible person for the rest of the day if I don't obey.

Did you notice that? It's not first and foremost because I want to do what God tells me to do because I love Him, it's because I don't want to disappoint Him and feel guilty. So, lately I've been pondering that more. What does that--loving others because He loves me--look like in my life? What should it look like in my life?

I think it looks like helping whenever and wherever I see a need. I think it looks like not being afraid to give to someone who might not really need those bags of groceries when I could have used that money for something else because what they do and how they do it is between them and God, not me (i.e. in Pennsylvania, alcohol can only be purchased in stores that specifically sell alcohol while in Texas, alcohol is sold in grocery stores).

It looks like seeing others the way God sees them. Seeing them as His creations. Seeing them as human beings. Not judging them by whether they really need something. Because honestly, don't we all really need something? Maybe more food on the pantry shelves. Maybe more compassion for the hurting.

Basically, I've been feeling a prompting to do more to live like and for Christ every day. I feel like I'm failing Him, like I could be doing more but I let things hold me back--time, money, season of life.

Take the Baking Brigade, for example. I want to do more, I want to reach more, I want to speak to the hearts of the congregation more so they feel a stirring in their souls to get involved and support others in our military community, regardless of whether or not they share the same faith.

I want this to be about community and building up one another and creating connection and letting others know that they aren't alone in the world, that they are seen and heard and cared about. I want hope.

And I don't know how to go about doing this. And so then I wonder: Is this about what God wants or this about me? Wouldn't God make this happen if He wants it to happen? (By the way, I told God that if ever there's a month when we don't have enough baked goods for the soldiers, I'll know that that is His way of telling me that this has run its course and it's time to move on so the focus is always on Him and not me.)

But, then I also think: God will only do so much. He requires actions on my part, too. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to do it?

So, I suppose this is the part where I turn this over to you. How can I build up community where I am right now (because I also recently had the epiphany that the mission field, my mission field, is here) and reflect Christ more and more each day while using my God-given gifts to advance His kingdom? I need some practical advice. Or book recommendations. Or verses. Or names of people I should be looking to. Or something.

resource guide for student moms in college

The academic year may have started already, but perhaps you or someone you know could benefit from this now or in the future. Early Mama's Resource Guide for Student Parents provides some links to organizations that can help alleviate some of the stress college parents may feel when planning for their education and their child's (or children's) well-being.

bucket list: lemon pound cake

Lemon Pound Cake

based on Starbucks Lemon Loaf

I basically followed the recipe except:

• I doubled it;
• I forgot to add oil;
• I substituted 1/2 C. of honey for 1/2 C. of sugar because I ran out of sugar;
• I didn't have any lemon extract, so I used almost 1 C. of lemon juice in the cake and about a tablespoon of lemon juice in the icing; and,
• I used skim milk because you will very rarely find any animal milk other than skim in my fridge.

The cake turned out flatter than the photo, but it tasted good, so everything else is irrelevant. I made two, tasted one for quality control, and sliced them up for the Baking Brigade.

In the future, I might consider adding:

• ginger,
• poppy seeds,
• the right ingredients.

to you, with love [16]

hey, there--

Whatever you're going through right now, keep going.

Keep going and know that this is preparing you for something greater than you can imagine at this point. I pray that you can find peace in your situation, hope in the future and things yet unseen, strength that carries you through and allows you to remain unhardened by life, that turns bitterness and anger and disappointment and "Why me?" into unbelievable compassion and understanding that enables you to speak to others' heartache when this storm has passed and the skies have cleared.

Once there was a young man named David who was told that he'd become king. But instead of being whisked away to learn about being a king, he was sent back to the fields to tend sheep. Even though sheep herding doesn't seem like a job for a king, the years that David spent guarding his dad's flocks gave him the skills (and the years gave him the time to mature) to defeat his country's enemy and later become king. David had faith that even the boring and seemingly unjust stuff would work out for him. And it will for you, too. Have faith.

Also, sometimes you may feel unappreciated or ignored, like you're just a cog in a machine and people only point out your flaws. But you are enough and you are amazing. Keep up the good work.

Here is my heart on paper. The last paragraph was added as an afterthought; I felt a prodding that I needed to include it for whoever finds it. Also, we studied the story of David a few weeks ago in Lysa TerKeurst's "Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl."

to you, with love [11-13]

11

12

13

These are Post-It notes! I forget the source (and will post it if I find it), but I recently saw a photo of someone leaving Post-It notes on store shelves instead of letters. While I still leave letters, I'm also going to start leaving Post-Its.

the d-word: deployment thoughts [part 7]

This is the seventh in a series of posts that I began drafting at the beginning of this year. Each post--and the mini posts within each--contains my thoughts on the deployment process as or soon after various events occurred. For OPSEC purposes, I will not include specific dates, locations, etc. Alan has read each one and his thoughts are included in certain posts. I hope that these posts will shed some light on our experiences; thank you for reading and God bless!

Read previous pre-deployment thoughts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6

Our Last Week

By Elizabeth I'm so thankful for our Chapel Next family. Last month, I asked to cancel the Baking Brigade outreach for the month; it was still the first month that we've missed. Two chaplains asked if I was ok and I explained that Alan would be leaving and we wanted to spend some time together. Today was our last Sunday together. The chaplains and some of the members of the congregation laid hands on us as Alan prepares for his 10th deployment and I prepare for my first experience as the spouse of a deployed service member. It's heart-wrenching to know that this was the last time that we will sit together in the pew for a while, but it was also uplifting to be surrounded by people who care about us--some of whom barely know us but understand. It was encouraging to be approached by total strangers and told that they would be willing to offer a hand to help or a shoulder to lean on. Afterward, we went out to lunch with some friends. Usually, Alan pays--but this time, he had left his wallet in the Jeep. Not only was it the first time in a long time that I needed to use my card when we were together, but I realized that it would also be the first time of quite a long period of time. /// It hit me that I'm going to be in class the night before he leaves. We were getting ready for bed and I suddenly felt like we'd been cheated of time. We have a habit of frequently asking, "What are you thinking?" when one of us is quiet. But when he asked what I was thinking, I felt my throat close and all of a sudden a tear spilled out. I cried for a while as we cuddled. It's not that he's leaving that upsets me but rather that he's leaving without me. /// Less than 48 hours from now, we're going to be apart. /// I helped him pack the rest of his things. I told him that I wanted the house to be clean so he would remember it that way; he told me that all he would remember is what I look like, not the house.

By Alan "Sad" is only three letters yet a plethora of meaning is contained. No, it does not get easier the more you deploy. You only learn coping skills that make it seem that way. Out of all I volunteered to do for this country I feel this is the most difficult task that has been asked of me. I also know it is because even though I have left family and friends before, I now have to leave part of me behind. I have never had to do that before. My soul mate, best friend, and wife has to stay while I go to some country to do what my country asks. Our Chapel Next family is awesome. They are there to support us when it is needed. I always am amazed by how God works amongst His people. No matter where we are whether in a civilian population or military community (which is a little easier because they can relate better) God's people are always supportive and caring. Without Him I would have never met my better half that makes all things better throughout our day with just a simple touch of her hand. More than anything we have or ever will do in our wonderful lives, I will always miss just talking and sitting with each other. This year will be hard yet I know God will provide and bring us together again.

this is life [or, a birthday party with lots of kids]

Our friends' daughter recently celebrated her second birthday. At the party, there were nine adults and seven children. Only one of the kids was older than two. As I sat in the living room amid infant car seat carriers and a swing and a Bumbo and wiped spit up off of a dress and filled another sippy cup, I realized that this was not only the first party I'd ever attended with so many children since I was a child, but this will also probably be what every birthday party I attend from here on out will look like. It was a really weird realization, if only because it means that I'm getting older.

mogadishu mile 5k

I decided to run the Mogadishu Mile in part because I thought it would be good training for the Savage Race in November and in part because I was 3 years old during Operation Gothic Serpent. My textbooks never mentioned it and the only time I heard about it in college was to hear it blamed for the U.S. not intervening in Rwanda. Therefore, I figured that participating in this event would encourage me to learn more about the events that happened and the people who served. It did.

There's nothing quite like braving Dallas rush hour traffic, getting mildly lost, trying a new restaurant solo, running a 5k alone, or figuring out how to get to the race site without directions to really force you out of your comfort zone. Which was the whole point of signing up for this race--forcing myself out of my comfort zone in the middle of a deployment--but I wasn't expecting to be shoved out of my comfort zone with the door locked behind me.

At least, that was the case for me, who had never before driven in Dallas alone or booked a hotel alone (and got lost on the way there) or eaten at P.F. Chang's (and got lost leaving there) or run a 5k (and got lost on the way there) or figured out how to get somewhere new based on a race route and the map on my GPS. The race route didn't have a direct address that I could type, so I synthesized the two maps to figure out where to go--and that's a pretty big deal for someone who finds herself having to look both ways down the hallway when leaving a hotel room because my sense of direction is mostly lacking.

After braving the traffic, I was stressed and practiced deep breathing before retreating to the hotel room. I wanted to just stay inside until meeting the race coordinators at 8 p.m., but I'd arrived slightly before 6 p.m. and knew I'd be famished by 8, so I decided to check out a sushi place.

Naturally, that means that I stopped at the first restaurant I saw, which happened to be P.F. Chang's. I ordered tuna tataki and vegetarian fried rice. The tuna was amaaazing. I think I make better fried rice. Overall, I liked the restaurant and am now one step closer to crossing off something else on my deployment bucket list!

I also got lost on the way back to the hotel.

I spent the rest of the evening meeting and chatting with some really amazing and inspiring people--the event coordinator and her team, some volunteers, and the photographer (who has caught an alligator gar, which looks terrifying in the event that you've seen that episode of "River Monsters").

In the morning, I once again became mildly lost due to relying completely on a GPS and the assumption that I would be able to find the location in the dark. I arrived a few minutes late but the event also started late, so it all worked out!

Task Force Ranger led the way in the one-mile walk. I knew the moment I came upon Heroes' Alley because everyone suddenly became very quiet. This is the only photo that I took because I felt it was disrespectful. I have never before seen this type of memorial in person--it was very sobering, even if the people who were commemorated were killed 20 years ago. I didn't even know these men but it brought tears to my eyes.

After Heroes' Alley, there were a few speeches and then it was time to start!

At the beginning, I was a little intimidated because the general pace was slightly faster than my normal pace, but I fell in behind four men who seemed to be about my age (maybe slightly younger). They were wearing their combat boots and either a vest or some sort of equipment over their uniforms (minus the jackets), so I felt that if I could keep up with these guys, then I was doing pretty well. After they started to slow down a little over halfway I decided to use another runner as my pace setter. He looked to be in his fifties, wore BDUs, and probably ran the whole thing twice because he kept running back in an effort to encourage his friend, who didn't run as quickly.

My main disappointment lay in the end--I decided to sprint the last several yards even though I felt more than done and ready to quit. As I neared the finish line, I realized that I actually had a lot more energy than I thought I did, which meant that I could have started sprinting a lot sooner and shaved more seconds off of my final time (30:48.9 minutes). That meant that I didn't make my 30-minute goal (which I made about halfway through the race, anyway), but I did meet my 32.00-or-less goal and I can now cross the Mogadishu Mile off of my deployment bucket list!

Also, my hand is fisted like that because I was holding an orange. Which was sticky and so hard to peel after running that I ended up eating the seeds because I was too lazy to try and pick them out. But I picked an orange instead of a banana because Alan said it would help with the pain/cramps that I've been getting after running. It made me think of the days when I played AYSO soccer and parents always brought orange slices to games. They were super messy and the coaches didn't like it when we used the water from the coolers to wash our hands. I remember that once, a parent brought grapes instead of orange slices. Best. Snack. Ever.

After the race, I stopped at Dunkin' Donuts because I haven't had DD since I left Pennsylvania and I love it. It was amazing. It was also probably the worst post-run food ever, but it was delicious and I have no regrets. Dunkaccino for the win.

The puppies were super happy to see me again. Especially Ophelia.

to you, with love [10]

What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.

Dear You--

Today is a gift--use it wisely! Enjoy it, live it, make the most of what you have and where you are, even if it's not what you want right now. You can't build your future without starting with today!

And, in the event that that was WAY too upbeat for you right now, know that what you do today is important because YOU. ARE. IMPORTANT. Your work matters and so do you! (Even on the days when you feel like no one notices. Especially on those days.)

E.

to you, with love [09]

The Lord requires that we forgive all men. That includes ourselves.

Dear One,

My prayer for you today is that you are able to live, to truly enjoy this day, without the hindrance of anything that the enemy throws in your path. I pray that you truly believe that His grace is enough for you, that no problem, no past, is to [OH MY WORD I DID IT AGAIN. Although I actually fixed it on the letter.] great for God.

You are exactly where God wants you to be right now.

with love & prayer

which way to the mission field?

Annie over at What She Saw recently wrote about progress and fear and her latest calling to the mission field. And I have to admit, I was a little bit envious. My home church never sponsored mission trips and the military chapel doesn't organize them, either. But, I want to go. And as I was thinking about this, about the possibility that maybe the chapel doesn't organize mission trips because it's too much of a logistical nightmare with bureaucracy and the culture of moving every few years. Because in military families, we don't go to foreign places for three weeks, we go to foreign places for three years.

I was stirring my peaches and cream instant oatmeal when it dawned on me that that--that place wherever the military sends us--that is our mission field. (Guys, why has it taken so long for me to make this connection?)

Because, aren't missions all about building community and serving others and sharing the love of Christ? I don't have to go to a village in Africa or Mexico or wherever in order to build community and serve others and share Christ's love! I am not confined to building schools or houses or bringing fresh water to remote locations (although I am definitely not knocking any of those because they are all priceless and worthy causes and if you need any proof of that, check out The Williams Post). I've limited myself by narrowing my definition of missions, by thinking that if I want to serve, it has to be in some big, memorable, life-changing way (like going to Africa or Mexico). But, that's not true.

And, if that's the case--if missions is about community and service and love, then am I not already doing that (even if I could be doing that better)? Aren't those things woven into the weekly group hosted here, the monthly outreach to the barracks?

The answer to that is yes. And at first, I felt like I was boasting. And I realized that I am, but it's not about me and what I've done, but what God has done through me. This is about God and how I can open myself--my eyes, my heart, my willingness to step out of my comfort zone--to serve and love those around me.

That, to me, is what following Christ is all about.

I'm still learning, still seeking to know my Father better every day, to seek and desire His will and align my life more closely with what He wants for me. I'm still learning to shed my own selfish wants in order to advance His kingdom here on earth. But this was a huge epiphany for me and I am so excited to see how it will affect the way I interact with others.

to you, with love [08]

Hello, there--

I just want you to know that you're doing better than you think you are, truly. You're making a difference and impacting lives. I know that sometimes you feel overwhelmed and under appreciated. But, keep up the good work. You're doing wonderfully.

with love & prayer