On June 14, I became a stepmom. On March 21, I became a (temporary) foster mom.

I feel like I've been everything but just mom.

Part of me yearns to be "just mom." The little things quicken my clock.

These are my favorite Texas flowers so far. After weeks of admiring them from the Jeep, I was able to look at them up close while taking a walk.

Our friends' sweet 18 month old saying, "Hi!" when I came home from class recently (Alan was watching our youngest foster child and babysitting for our friends) and our youngest foster child climbing onto the couch to snuggle with me--not all moments are difficult.

Shopping for baby clothes with my friend--she's expecting again. Meanwhile, I want to stash them away in a hope chest.

Trying to decide if a jogging stroller and diaper pail would be worth the investment--I need an athletic outlet. I wanted to buy them now with the hopes that we will someday have use for them again, but as far as the stroller goes, I realized I could just wake up earlier and exercise at home. And as for the diaper pail, we're down to UnderJams and about one accident a day.

Potty successes. They seriously make my day.

Heating dinosaur chicken nuggets and cutting up hot dogs the way my aunt used to, even though I'm preparing a vegan meal for myself.

Connecting with our oldest foster child.

Praying on the drive to school each morning, turning on K-Love. Hoping the words minister, praying that something sinks in, wondering if my mom thought the same things when we grew up listening to our local Christian radio station.

Constantly reminding that not all bugs need to be killed, and everything in nature needs to be put back exactly where it was found. Thinking of my aunt.

Cooking with a curious onlooker who ties my apron strings. Remembering my grandmother and her apron, and watching countless meals being prepared in her kitchen.

Remembering to be patient when someone is being independent--I don't ever recall my grandfather being impatient with me.

Hearing my speech revert to the colloquial Pennsylvania Dutchisms my grandparents, aunt, mom, and extended family sometimes use--and realizing that I would totally talk to my own children like that.

          "There's more back."
                    "It's all."
                              "Come here, onst."

I want my own opportunity to train and rear and teach and guide.

A friend's mom blessed us by filling up my gas tank. With my weekly gas budget more than double what it normally is, her act of service was a major blessing.

But, through this experience, I have also learned to be content where God has us.

To never again take for granted the time that Alan and I have together as a couple (or the time that I have to myself).

To be grateful that finishing assignments minutes before I leave for class and turning in work that is far from my best will not be a forever thing.

To continue reading as many parenting books as I can find and to ask for advice from as many parents as I meet.

To be grateful for those times when I can be in the car by myself and go to the store by myself.

By myself.

To understand the vague semblance of attention one sometimes pays while in class (or at work), knowing that there are little ones and a spouse waiting at home.

In the midst of this situation, I'm not quite sure what lessons God has in mind for Alan and me to learn. But, I'm learning to trust in His timing and His plan.

  
EDIT: Oh my goodness, it's not even Monday. What was I thinking?

are you sure you don't have to go to the bathroom?

 + your house looks like you have kids. i feel better now. This quote sums up our life pretty well, right now. Without going into much detail, Alan and I became temporary foster parents for the children of a friend (hence the lack of updates). You can imagine what our house looks like.

I recently read and loved this book. Our younger foster child and I spent the morning outside, eating breakfast and playing.

+ how do you wake up so early? Hearing this question from our oldest foster child reminded me of my pre-college school years. I could never understand how my mom, aunt, or grandmother could be so chipper/relentless/creative/annoying while trying to rouse me at 6:30 a.m. Yet, here I am, waking at 5:30 a.m. and having to stop myself from loudly greeting everyone with, "Time to make the doughnuts!" Which my aunt used to say.

A week after we became foster parents, Alan sent me to a local spa for a massage--at the end, the therapist said that I still needed more work. Also, I love Aveda Comforting Tea.

+ mind if i pray? Something else from childhood that I've incorporated into our foster children's lives is morning prayer. My mom used to pray for my sister and me before we walked to the bus stop, or, if she drove us to school, she prayed in the car on the way to school. (Honestly, at the time I didn't really care, as I saw it as just another prayer/something else to make me late--in my mind, because we were almost never late for the bus--but now I appreciate it so much more.) And, since I drop off and pick up our oldest foster child from school every day, I've started praying as we turn onto the street where the school is. I can't remember my mom's prayer verbatim, but I pray for some of the same things--wisdom on tests, making good friends, safety, guidance, and a Godly influence in the lives of friends.

Last month, the Baking Brigade connected with soldiers--some about to deploy and some who had arrived at Ft. Hood just the day before. We used Whisker Graphics' Air Mail Divine Twine.

 + dinosaurs and man. Alan arranged for Mike Riddle to come to Chapel Next and hold a Creation Training Initiative class on Saturday. Mike also taught during Sunday Morning Life Group (about dinosaurs and man), and during the church service (about Genesis and discernment). Having attended a mostly secular college, I never received any apologetics teaching (nor did I ever receive any from my home church--that I recall--which I attended until I moved to Texas last summer), so hearing that dinosaurs only recently (hundreds-ish) became extinct was interesting. I also wish churches would teach more about a Biblical worldview.

 

the enemy's lies

We've recently started Max Anders' "What You Need to Know About Spiritual Warfare." (Our edition has a more recent cover, but the point is that the book is available online.)

We were supposed to start the week before last, but our plans were waylaid by a surprise birthday party that my wonderful husband and friends put together. I keep meaning to post about it, but I still have some photos to upload.

Anyway, prior to home life group, one of my friends (Friend A, who attends home life group) mentioned that she felt an evil presence at one point, and another friend (Friend B, who attends home life group) said that she couldn't finish reading the first chapter of the book because of a sudden headache. At the time, I was babysitting and didn't answer my phone when Friend B called, so Friend B called Friend A to tell her, and Friend A prayed for her. The headache mostly went away, and I later heard the story from both of them separately.

And I thought, "Why is this happening to them?"

Susie Larson, in her amazing book "Your Beautiful Purpose," which I highly recommend (and may cover in life group), says that we can't always see God's forces mounting before us when God is about to do something great through us, but the enemy can, and--knowing that we cannot see the awesome power supporting us--chooses to attack us in an attempt to waylay us.

With this in mind, I thought to myself, "I know that they are both great women of God. They are actively advancing the Kingdom--what if that's why they're being attacked and I'm not? The enemy wouldn't bother with them if they weren't doing anything. Maybe I'm not doing anything. What if everything I'm doing is in vain? What if I'm doing it for myself, and everything is meaningless?"

Later, Friend B said that Friend A told her that she wouldn't be surprised if our home life group is attacked spiritually as we continue this study.

And then, it clicked.

I used to sometimes have really intense nightmares. After a while, I recognized the nightmares and the oppressive feelings for what they were, and I started to tell the enemy that he had no power over me, that he needed to leave my presence because Jesus Christ gave me authority over him.

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. -Luke 10:19

The nightmares stopped.

I realized that I wasn't having the same feelings, the same experiences, that my friends were having because the enemy knew that I recognized those attacks. He needed to change tactics.

So I doubted myself; I took the bait--until that moment when I realized that my own misgivings were the enemy. The moment I considered my fears in a different light, the doubting ceased and I smiled, partially out of happiness that I understood my own fears and partially out of surprise that

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. -1 Peter 5:8

Bloglovin'

I've been using Bloglovin' for a couple of years, so if you are switching from GFC/would like to use a really awesome site to organize and categorize the blogs that you follow, I suggest that you check it out. You can also follow our blog with Bloglovin'.

military lessons on community [part two]

This is our second post on the topic of community and how the military and Christian communities are similar (or, how they could be). You can check out our first post on community.

deliberately grow friendship. Because you're probably hundreds/thousands of miles away from your family and potentially new to this whole thing (and, even if you aren't, it's nice to have someone else along for the adventure), it's important to have close friends you can count on, whether it's a phone call to make sure you're all right when your spouse is in the field, or picking up your child from school because you don't feel well, or just listening when you're going through a rough time and the enemy is attacking you from all sides.

Building that sort of relationship requires intention and purpose--inviting people to church or dinner or a coffee shop or your house. It means sharing our stories and praying that we can influence our brothers and sisters positively on their journeys. What if you don't think you can/want to set aside time for that?

If you're a blogger, this might mean praying before you post, as Keri Williams wrote recently. Or praying before you comment--what words would really encourage and inspire the blogger whose heart you just read?

Maybe it means sending a text, card, or email, just to let someone know you're thinking of her.

On a secular level, close friends are like second family. On a Godly level, believers are family. Regardless of how close you are.

we have an appreciation of (the lack of) time. Because we know that when you look around the church (or the home life group, or what have you), it's not going to look the same a year (or even a month) from now, I think we understand that you have to cut to the important stuff. Quickly. Ditch the small talk and forget the petty stuff. But as believers, we sometimes act like we'll all be around forever--we can take as much time as we want getting to know people. And God.

I have two super-close friends whom I consider family. I might not be able to tell you their favorite colors or biggest pet peeves, but I can tell you that we would drop (and have) whatever we were doing in order to help each other, whether that means taking care of a dog for a week, picking up a child from school, watching a child overnight, checking in on a house for a week, or accompanying one of us to a doctor appointment. I also think having a common bond factors into this--we understand that our spouses' military commitments sometimes mean that our schedules change at the last minute, and as believers, we trust each other.

How many friends have you known for longer than seven to nine months? Would you be willing to stop what you're doing to help them?