the d-word: deployment thoughts [part 6]

This is the sixth in a series of posts that I began drafting at the beginning of this year. Each post--and the mini posts within each--contains my thoughts on the deployment process as or soon after various events occurred. For OPSEC purposes, I will not include specific dates, locations, etc. Alan has read each one and his thoughts are included in certain posts. I hope that these posts will shed some light on our experiences; thank you for reading and God bless!

Read previous pre-deployment thoughts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5

Summer II 2013

The younger feels sad and the older says that he feels nothing because he is used to it. But how do you remember that as a normal part of life when you only remember one--the most recent--deployment? #teenageangst /// MFLC was productive. /// I'm upset that our four-day Park Hopper tickets for Disney are going to be wasted. I'm disappointed that no one at Disney seems to be very helpful and Shades of Green won't even return our phone calls or emails. Seriously, Disney. You are disappointing me. But, I knew what I was signing up for when I married him, and last-minute schedule changes are a fact of life. We went to the MWR office on post, where we purchased them--we were told to stand outside the building and try to sell them. The problem is that reselling Disney tickets is illegal. I don't even want a refund. I'd be happy if I could just get the expiration date extended; I'd be more than willing to pay the difference in cost between the current military pass and the upcoming military pass. I just want to enjoy time with my husband in Walt Disney World before he leaves for a year. Because how can you be sad about being separated when you're together at the happiest place on earth? /// In the end, Alan was able to schedule some leave. We drove to Florida and spent four glorious days enjoying each other's company and wandering through the parks. We stayed at a cheaper hotel; we didn't even have money for souvenirs; we took our own food, and I still think my favorite memory will be the last night we spent in the hotel just talking together. My favorite day will be the one we spent meandering through Hollywood Studios, not speed-walking in the heat to get a FastPass for Test Track. It was wonderful and coming home meant that I could see our dogs again, but it also means that we're another day closer to deployment. /// My closest friend told me that she's been thinking of us, that thinking of Alan leaving me has brought her near tears a few times, that she thinks she's so emotional because she's remembering when her own husband deployed. It's things like this that affirm my decision to stay here. I love my friends and family in Pennsylvania (and I kind of, sort of, maybe miss fall and the mountains), but this community understands like few others do. /// I have long been a fan of No Model Lady. I like her wit. But her post, "Have Faith, Be Strong, Make it Work" brought me to tears (specifically, "Deployment Survival: An Open Letter" and "What Goodbye is Like"). The house is a mess and I wish I could devote my day to keeping it clean and nice and ready and relaxing for Alan when he comes home. I might have earned a 4.0 every semester, but I don't care so much if my house hasn't been thoroughly cleaned this week (or this month). I'm frustrated because I'm spending my evenings in the classroom when I know that he is at home and soon won't be there to greet me.