the d-word: deployment thoughts [part 7]

This is the seventh in a series of posts that I began drafting at the beginning of this year. Each post--and the mini posts within each--contains my thoughts on the deployment process as or soon after various events occurred. For OPSEC purposes, I will not include specific dates, locations, etc. Alan has read each one and his thoughts are included in certain posts. I hope that these posts will shed some light on our experiences; thank you for reading and God bless!

Read previous pre-deployment thoughts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6

Our Last Week

By Elizabeth I'm so thankful for our Chapel Next family. Last month, I asked to cancel the Baking Brigade outreach for the month; it was still the first month that we've missed. Two chaplains asked if I was ok and I explained that Alan would be leaving and we wanted to spend some time together. Today was our last Sunday together. The chaplains and some of the members of the congregation laid hands on us as Alan prepares for his 10th deployment and I prepare for my first experience as the spouse of a deployed service member. It's heart-wrenching to know that this was the last time that we will sit together in the pew for a while, but it was also uplifting to be surrounded by people who care about us--some of whom barely know us but understand. It was encouraging to be approached by total strangers and told that they would be willing to offer a hand to help or a shoulder to lean on. Afterward, we went out to lunch with some friends. Usually, Alan pays--but this time, he had left his wallet in the Jeep. Not only was it the first time in a long time that I needed to use my card when we were together, but I realized that it would also be the first time of quite a long period of time. /// It hit me that I'm going to be in class the night before he leaves. We were getting ready for bed and I suddenly felt like we'd been cheated of time. We have a habit of frequently asking, "What are you thinking?" when one of us is quiet. But when he asked what I was thinking, I felt my throat close and all of a sudden a tear spilled out. I cried for a while as we cuddled. It's not that he's leaving that upsets me but rather that he's leaving without me. /// Less than 48 hours from now, we're going to be apart. /// I helped him pack the rest of his things. I told him that I wanted the house to be clean so he would remember it that way; he told me that all he would remember is what I look like, not the house.

By Alan "Sad" is only three letters yet a plethora of meaning is contained. No, it does not get easier the more you deploy. You only learn coping skills that make it seem that way. Out of all I volunteered to do for this country I feel this is the most difficult task that has been asked of me. I also know it is because even though I have left family and friends before, I now have to leave part of me behind. I have never had to do that before. My soul mate, best friend, and wife has to stay while I go to some country to do what my country asks. Our Chapel Next family is awesome. They are there to support us when it is needed. I always am amazed by how God works amongst His people. No matter where we are whether in a civilian population or military community (which is a little easier because they can relate better) God's people are always supportive and caring. Without Him I would have never met my better half that makes all things better throughout our day with just a simple touch of her hand. More than anything we have or ever will do in our wonderful lives, I will always miss just talking and sitting with each other. This year will be hard yet I know God will provide and bring us together again.