singleness in married life

Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. -1 Corinthians 7:7 (The Message)

Single like you, Paul? What, so you were miserable being single because you were so blunt and didn't know how to make polite conversation with a woman and wanted to take everyone down with you?

This was basically my thought on Paul's "Hey, being single is great" theory--especially as my wedding day neared. And then definitely after we said our vows, because when you're married to a husband as amazing as mine, who would ever want to be single again?

And then, my husband left, leaving me the single human being within the four walls of our home.

While I remained in the Word after Alan deployed, it wasn't until the day I poured out my heart to God because I was so upset about health problems that I really sensed that my relationship with God grew substantially. Over the past several weeks, I have begun to hunger to know Him and His word better and more than ever before. It's wonderful because I have passion and ideas. It's frustrating because I now feel stunted and uncertain of where to go or what to do next. How do I live out the stirrings God starts in my heart? (Also, another issue I struggled with was knowing whether these were God-things or me-things.)

One of the biggest challenges that I wrestled with was feeling like there wasn't enough for me at my current place of worship. (I say "for me" because there are plenty of activities and ministries, but due to my class schedule, I am unable to attend Community Connections and usually don't attend PWOC.) And lately, community has strongly been on my heart.

But, I also realized that I can't just expect the church to do things for me. For example, I had this idea that there should already be a general forum for home life group leaders to exchange ideas, concerns, and inspiration because I know that I, at the very least, could always benefit from mentoring and fellowship.

There wasn't, so I asked about it, and now maybe there will be one (I was under the impression that we had "several" home life groups because that's what the communicator/bulletin says, but it's actually only three).

For another thing, I want to improve the fellowship within my home life group. So, I created a form and know the little things about everyone--from significant dates in their lives to favorite Bible verses to topics they'd like us to study. It was eye-opening and I'm looking forward to putting their ideas to work.

Also, some of the chaplains have expressed a desire to expand the Baking Brigade. This is awesome and would be even more awesome if we had the manpower to do so. So, I took the initiative to talk with another lady who was involved in a baking outreach at her husband's last duty station and now have plenty of ideas.

Lastly, what this entire post (and basically the entirety of the last several weeks) boils down to is mentoring. I want a mentor. I need a mentor. Someone to guide me into really helping home life group flourish. Someone to share a vision for the Baking Brigade and make it happen. Someone to generally help me in my walk with Christ.

Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. -Titus 2:3-5

So, if you're older than 23 you fit the bill.

Enter PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel). I've only attended a few times, again because of grad school, but after talking with a friend about all that is on my heart and how discouraged I feel, she said, "You really need to come to PWOC! I think it would really help you." And I said, "I know! I just need to do my work for Tuesday earlier so I have time to go." And then she told me that one of the ladies in life group teaches a class on mentoring at PWOC.

So. Tuesday at 9. If I'm not at the chapel, someone slap my wrist and tell me to never complain again if I'm not going to take responsibility for myself.

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This post was inspired by Alan, who, after hearing me vent/reading my text messages and emails about the topic, told me to blog about it and record the ideas and changes that occur within me. Here we go.